my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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