I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
