i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
