Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
