There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart