No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother