i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.