Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.