So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.