I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
