My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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