Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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