Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
