I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
