"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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