any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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