What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
