an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dignity is for republicans.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
