Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
