Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
