Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
