$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
