We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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