i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
