true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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