I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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