new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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