It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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