Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
