Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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