well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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