At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
