Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
