you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my sisters under your porch take her home
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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