Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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