I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
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My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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