Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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