I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
