Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
