she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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