Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
