Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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