"it" just moved
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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