Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
