FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
