you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
either way he was missing a nipple.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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