then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
