she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i think i just lost a toe
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
