So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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