I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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