Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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