Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
