i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
