I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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