Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
