The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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