My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can you bring me the toilet please
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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