So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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