everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
