rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
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Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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