I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
