Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
