thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
