So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
