Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
