chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
