She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
