College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
